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Today I finally swung by the old house and dropped off the giant folder of appliance manuals. It made a really satisfying THUMP against the porch. One thing down, fifteen thousand things left on the to-do list.

Tonight I'm going to my last hockey game at Yost (sniff!). And tonight is also my last grad student holiday party. This month I've been trying to cram in lunches and coffees and happy hours and whatever with my friends here before I leave. I've been here for 6 1/2 years, so it's been a long time since I've last done all the "lasts", and it's really kind of weird.

But moving on is good! And at the farmer's market today, the eeee! gave my name to the Obama booth as a volunteer. Hooray! (Not that he gave his own name, mind you -- he's still leaning towards Edwards, and he also figures that I'll drag him along anyways.) And while he was there, an older couple was getting voter registration forms -- they're Republicans, but changing their registration to Democrat to vote for Obama in the primary. Again, hooray!

Finally, when the eeee! gets in on Thursday night, the long-distance semester will be officially OVER. HOORAY!
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I've had a case of outrage fatigue that has lasted nearly two years. It was starting to subside, and I was back to writing letters and talking to people and even blogging (which requires a very specific energy for dealing with the news). But in going back and forth about the trip to Burma, and following the Mukasey hearings (and the news in general since 2004), I realized that right now, as an American, I don't have much moral ground to stand on. Awesome. Thanks, Bush. I'm glad we're using the same techniques as Stalin and the Khmer Rouge -- I feel so much safer now. [5000-word-long rant redacted. You're welcome.]

Anyway. I now feel this bizarre need to save the world and fix the U.S. as penance for going to Burma. Because, you know, I didn't have enough pressure on myself what with the thesis and the teaching and the moving to California. And that's just overwhelming, because where the fuck do I start? If I decide to volunteer with the Obama campaign, I can't do that until January. Maybe I'll write some letters for Amnesty, and not cheat on the pescetarian thing, I don't know. I always try to tell myself that I shouldn't do nothing just because I can't do everything, and usually that works, but sometimes I just get so overwhelmed by the world. Where do I start?

My officemate brought in the Rolling Stone 40th Anniversary Issue, and I was reading it today. Now, the last time I picked up a copy of that magazine was in the 90's, and the last article I read in it was about the 2004 election. But I was reading the interviews, and maybe I'll blame this on the dregs of the flu, but the first two interviews I read -- the Al Gore and the Bono interviews -- almost made me cry, they were so hopeful and positive and clear. I actually went out and bought my own damn copy of the magazine, because I wanted a physical reminder that there are hopeful people out there, and that there are things I can do, small and large, to change the world. (Also, there are galaxies on the cover.)

So. That's what's been rattling around my brain this week. I'm going to a hockey game tonight, though, and maybe that will clear out some of the self-absorption in my system.

March 2013



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